Grappling with Disappointment

A topic which has been a point of constant debate most of my adult life has been disappointment.

I used to, until my mid-twenties, believe that not expecting anything is the best policy. Eventually I realised that not only is that not humanly possible, it is also setting oneself up for failure in dealing with your own situations.

Being human also means having expectations and some times, they can't be met. Besides, you cannot control others' actions. What you can do is find a way of being ok with being disappointed. Most people will disappoint you and you most likely will have disappointed many people in your life at some point too. The trick is in being reasonable and letting things slide.

Then comes the issue of dealing with disappointment in different relationships. It's somehow easy to forgive certain people than it is others. It's different for everyone. Now, I have managed to find a way of letting things slide with most people. Or, I just don't trust anymore and steer clear(another issue, for another day). The one place I still don't find reconciliation yet though, is my disappointment with mentors/people I've looked up to.

For the longest time, I couldn't put anyone on a pedestal - and then I did. Two women who disappointed me in their own ways. Most likely, they don't even realise this and by their measure, they did everything they could. I recognise this. And yet, I am yet to come to terms with the feelings of betrayal. 

I haven't spoken to them of course and I doubt it will do anything if I do speak to them. But, it's been a while and this resurfaces. So, I wondered how others deal with their disappointments?

The Parent Trap

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while now. It’s something that’s been on my mind for some time and it’s amusing as well as surprising in small amounts from time to time.

Parents to children, are always the ones taking care of them, nurturing them and are the strongest ones in their eyes. That is until they start growing older, and so do you.

Around my mid-20’s I realized my parents have started ageing. It’s also the time I realized I should probably help around the house a lot more and be around for them a lot more. I’m listing out a few things that hit me since that revelation and how it’s impacted me as a person.

I think one of the first things that I learnt about growing older, is that you actually do become SLOW! And it only gets worse. Gone are the days when your Mom could run around finishing 5 things in a half hour. Or, your Dad running errands on the fly along with some other things he meant to finish. This, by extension also means that they’ll get frustrated and will take time to learn how to cope with it. Sometimes way too long!

What I realized when one of them (or both) started developing age-related issues is that in my mind, they could never fall sick, or be out of action, EVER! They’ve always been super-humans who could accomplish so much even when I could not despite my youth. That definitely starts changing.

They somehow suddenly find themselves with so much time with each other, they cannot take it! All their lives, at least my parents have always been the typical Indian-joint-family-types. Which many of my friends from joint families would realize means minimal privacy and alone time, especially when you’re the one taking care of the folks. Now, when the responsibilities have changed and they have so much time to spend with each other, they find themselves in a very new situation, and they find that both of them have changed so much over the years. They happen not to have noticed that until some point, and when they suddenly do, the kids(read me) find themselves refereeing a bit too much. Also, it is such a time consuming process. But it’s all good in the end, because they will gang up when it comes to you, whether it is to scold you about something you’ve screwed up at or their pride for you.

In all their wisdom and years of exposure, they will find themselves learning from their kids. And the kids will in turn start giving them advice. Tables turning? You bet! It does take time for them to adjust to that, but eventually if both parties try – it does become a relationship of friendship and co-dependency. And it’s so wonderful! It’s the best way to bridge that generation gap and it has ended up being very fulfilling for all of us. But at the end I could still never do without their approval in whatever I do.

The one thing I never thought would happen is the feeling of me being a parent to my parents. Despite the advice-giving, and all that, which is still ok, when you’re putting up with their old songs, instead of them putting up with your latest songs, you know you’re getting older for sure! :D

Since this is also a little about you getting older, you realize that what they said was actually true! You become more like your parents as you grow older and your partners start seeming more and more like one of them too! :P

The same irritating things about yourself that you could hide under a number of guises in your youth aren't that hidden anymore. And they will present themselves in unexpected and weird ways! It has been a lesson to me to work on my quirks for real and also be more tolerant to theirs lest my kids just can't put up with them some day. :-)

What is driven home is that this happens with everyone and one day I'm going to find myself on the other side too. I hope knowing this helps!

And having said all of this, I thank my stars every day for such wonderful parents who go out of their way, not only to keep me safe and happy, but also to understand me. They will always be the rock-stars who can do a lot more at their age than I can do at mine. No matter how much we fight or disagree, you guys are my rock and I love you!  

#my100happydays

Many of my friends have been following my latest project on Facebook (willingly or grudgingly) which was the Happiness Project. I'm writing this blog to capture, what I felt, my learnings have been through taking up something so seemingly trivial and according to some people, a show of sorts.

That being said, a few things I want to clear out:
- I'm a generally happy person and don't feel the need to achieve things or milestones or goals to make me feel happy.
- At one point, I got tired of it. It's not fun to do something religiously every single day.

First of all, thanks Suchita Rao Madurai for introducing me to this. It has been interestingly revealing in ways you will read below. :)

So here goes :-
1. Most of us know that simple things make us happy. What we discount is that those simple things make you happy REPETITIVELY.
2. Food is one of the best things in the world - I could be a good food critic someday! ;)
3. There will be 2-3 people who will feature in your Happiness list very often. NEVER let these people go!
4. If you care to notice, there will - more often than not - be more than one thing that can make you happy in one single day. Sometimes it's too many to capture. Sometimes you even miss them since they're so routine.
5. There will be things that you'd thought you would post when you will do them, and somehow that may not happen. It's likely that it's something important to you. Try to make those things happen, and more often.
6. Nature is really that wonderful.
7. There will be people who silently curse you for taking up so much footage on their wall. They're secretly jealous you can do something so seemingly small and make a big deal of it. And of course, get so much attention.
8. People you'd never expect, will follow these posts feeling inspired and hoot for your happiness and feel happy for you.
9. You feeling happy, will in turn make someone else's day just a 0.001% better. And hey, that's a lot more than you'd do otherwise.
10. You make new friends who will keep reminding you if you didn't post, or tell you if something was wrong. Kinnari Vora, you were that friend for me. :)
11. People you never thought would be watching (cuz they don't like or comment on your posts), will randomly message, helping you and encouraging you to keep at it. There's more good than you'd ever care to admit!
12. What goes around, definitely does come around! :)
13. Bad days will always be there, and some times you'd have to think hard to find one thing that was not half bad that day. Chances are, you're so involved in the happenings of that day, you missed the good part. But good parts always happen. Every single day.
14. We girls do love company. Rasmi Ben and Suppi, you'll were such fab company!! :) :)
15. You will always want to give up anything you take up, especially seemingly trivial projects. Keep at it! It'll seem worthwhile at some point.
16. You will always get judged for anything you do. Stay true to your heart.
17. You don't get decent food abroad since your friends living outside India, will always envy the food posts you put up! :P :P
18. And oh, I can take decent food pictures! :P :P :P
19. You may end up figuring what you're passionate about, or what you're really good at (if you haven't already).

So here it is. Many things I may have missed, but I'm glad I did this. I hope I have succeeded in my bid to bore the reader (one I assume must've followed at least a bit of this project) a bit more. ;)

Thanks for reading! I'd love to see your input/comments, so please do let me know what you think and share your stories. :)

Old Like Wine!

They say some things never change. They (whoever 'they' are) also say that friendship is one of those things. I beg to differ! And I say this in the most positive sense it ever could be said in.

Let me explain as to the-whys(bad-animated-desi-style-exaggerated-Hinglish). It's because it's stupid to believe that friendships never change. Simple! Now let's face it - any average person who stays the same in terms of attitudes, behaviours and ideologies at any two points of time in life has basically not matured(unless some of us believe that a person has been the maturest he/she can be from a very young age). So, obviously, people change over time and so do their interactions - and that's why friendships never remain the same. They just MATURE.

If you ask me, any relationship has the same basics, including marriage. It's just the intensity that differs. The reason why some outlast the others is because the people involved in that relationship are growing and maturing at complimentary paces, during various stages.

Why am I rambling on, giving so much gyaan about friendships and relationships? It's because I've realised how lucky I have been to sustain and maintain some through over a decade and some more(one in particular has lasted more than 2 decades and NO I'm just 26!). I met a couple of friends today who I used to meet every single day, way back when I was in college. And it's awesome how we can still ramble on about the same old things but still talk about new stuff and never tire of it! It's the same ol silliness, the same ol laughter, the same ol leg-pulling and the same ol chemistry.

An argument could be made that I said 'same ol' 4 times already. But the fact remains that the friendship has changed and so have we. What's remained the same is the genuineness, the heartfelt warmth and the complementing paces we've grown at. All the while understanding the weirdest things about each other, sticking through the toughest phases and growing still.

All in all, this is to two of my closest friends - Achu and Sweetu(Dhara as many call her) - I love you and I feel lucky to have you guys around. I hope this goes on till we're grey and old! :)

Pondering away..

Today for some reason I wanna cry..

For some reason I wanna stop being strong and not wanna try..

I wanna embrace whole-heartedly what is mine..

And leave everything else and say I’m fine..

Today I wanna bow my head in prayer..

I wanna thank my guardian angel up there somewhere..

I wanna speak to no one and let the silence engulf me

I wanna recklessly abandon the world around me..

Today I wanna love life exactly for what it is..

I wanna feel fulfilled and never again miss

I wanna love and feel loved

I wanna close my eyes and feel satisfied..

Today I want my thoughts to find a different way..

Today I wanna get lost in bliss and lose myself away..

The only thing in life that makes sense...!! - to me...

So tonight, again I sit awake after being wished by a few close friends already for having lived a quarter century of life. Good, bad and ugly I have seen so far, like everyone in a more or less degree has. But as I lay down trying to go back to sleep after the mid-night wishes (and of course couldn’t sleep!:D) I thanked the one person, who has had a tremendous impact in my life and has been my saving grace through everything. She’s one person I have never met but still feel the deepest connection with. She is my conscience and my guide. She is my Guru.

And I thanked her for finding me. For keeping my faith for me. For being the sole answer to every question.

Now I understand many aren’t on the same page and are probably thinking I’m nuts (including some of my best friends! J). But you really don’t know what you’re missing till you’ve found it!

So this piece of write up is nothing but my reverent thanks for the grace I have found because it’s the only thing that has made as much sense as it has my entire life! 

Me...so far!!!

So, here I am, writing my first blog ever. I have thought about writing one a lot of times. But how can I do something everyone does?? :D. But after I kind of accepted that I am one among more than 6 billion of my species and also that there really isn't anyone who is unique by themselves, besides the fact that I wanted to write a blog however unacclaimed it might be, I made up my mind to write one. However, being the procrastinator that I am ( as well as being someone who needs to be pushed a little having a first gear problem), I started after a few people thought I should (some didn't think so either, but what the heck!), goaded on it a bit and finally at 5 am on the day I don't like much myself - a Monday, much past the eve of New Year, I started.

Now, while I do not proclaim to be a great writer (which a blogger should probably be), I think I can do a reasonable job of penning my thoughts. It is something I find is a good habit; and some of it should be shared!

So, my first blog is nothing extraordinary or spectacular, just a simple recollection and interpretation of my mundane 25 years of life - the lessons I've learnt, the things I've seen, the roads I've taken, stuff I like, who I am - with a slight emphasis on the last decade since I changed and learned the most in that time. Here goes...

I've been blessed with a wonderful and supportive family who I can talk to without thinking.

Kapil is the most important and precious part of my life. Have no idea what I would do without him.

I love my friends to death. They're what make things simple and cheerful when its so so hard.

I love Hyderabad! And I love being a Hyderabadi who speaks a weird hindi that many others don't understand!

I identify myself with fashion. Have seen such a difference from only black and leather to fluorescents to baggy pants and shirts to boots cuts to the generation of thinspiration and size zero but a lot of colours and class(Amen to the last two!).

Mihir is my escape from this world. God I love that child!

I still want to 'become' a lotta things :D (in answer to the very childish question "What do you want to become when you grow up?). And I will always remain a child somewhere not wanting to grow up! :)

I'm crazy about footwear. Can never have enough of them!

Two couples I've seen work it out through a lot and still standing strong - Neha-Srinath and Kapil-Nidhi. I'm so happy for you guys and I'm always around for you guys no matter what.

I've learnt people always learn to move on. No matter what. You will get through something you've been put to.

The only things that keeps you going are hope, faith, laughter and friends.

Hollywood is becoming increasingly Bollywoodish and vice-versa. Its just great! :)

Music is my innate love. Movies are my acquired love (all thanks to Kapil and Shishir). Books are my childhood love.

I can laugh at almost ANYTHING! So if I'm asking for the guy I wanna be with to have a good sense of humour, its not asking for much! ;)

Love may after all be the only thing that saves us. But as Nickelback says - look what love gave us??

I hate violence. I hate the people who do violence in the name of religion.

And I hate those people who stalk women, have no idea how to respect them and treat them like anything but individuals.

Nothing goes as planned. And once you get used to living life impromptu, its actually fun living without a plan.

I can't stand stupid people. No offence, but I wear thin on patience when I have to explain the same thing in different ways over and over to the person who isn't going to understand it after all!.

What goes around will always, always come around.

I can talk about anything. I can't talk with everyone.

My dad and I will always be at loggerheads. But we can never do without each other, and I much less without his approval.

My mom is the most understanding, patient and practical lady ever. A mother-daughter relationship is the most beautiful one.

I love shopping!!! It so lifts my spirits! :) :) :)

Everyone can relate to at least one of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I do love drama and I do love soaps (Gossip girl, The O.C, being my favourites) and movies that have it .

Pssst...I'm a closet romantic! And a hopeless one at that (with hopes of flowers , fire flies and fireworks...the whole 9 yards!)!

My saving grace from all that life threw at me when it was too much to take has been my Guru. She sent me guidance when I most needed it and is always guiding me in whatever I do.

A trip can sort the most messed head. And its so much fun!

At every point of time, life can be enjoyed to the best. Even if you're in the dumps.

Best friends hear you out no matter how much you're cribbing!! I love you Nehs, Sweetu, Shishir and Kapil for that!

Parents bail you out no matter how stupid you're being. And friends listen to you and vigourously nod their heads in agreement when you need it even if you're being moronic!

Great people in your team mean so much! Nelofer, Pooja and JC at Intercon and Lakshman, Nithya, Sheetal, Manny and Shishir at Satyam absolutely made my time the best! And I found some friends for life!!

Good looks have nothing to do with manners, smartness, sensibility and groundedness.

And finally.....to me "Be original, be loud, be crazy, be kookoo, be spontaneous, be proper, be loving, be daring" makes a lotta sense! :)

So there it is..I hope it makes for a decent read. Happy New Years people! :)